Not Strong Enough
by CrayolaCreation
Summary: She had broken a family, two children had lost her father because of her, she may've saved the daughter but the father had been killed in the accident he had caused, oh, the dramatic irony of it all, all her life she has been seen as a strong, stable figure, but do those words apply to her anymore? Could she carry on living her life as a lie? Falling in love isn't as easy...
1. Chapter 1

_She had broken a family, two children had lost her father because of her, she may've saved the daughter but the father had been killed in the accident he had caused, oh, the dramatic irony of it all, but the words echoed in her brain she had broken a family up, two children lost their father today and it was all her fault._

Rachel Mason escaped from the caravan only moments before it blew up, she really had impeccable timing, she was safe, Bianka was safe, but looking back at the burning caravan Rachel knew out of instinct that the only remains of her father would be a corpse lying in the ground with the ashes. He was dead, and she was already able to admit that in one sense it was her fault, maybe he had been planning this all along maybe he hadn't, but truth be told she had angered him, she had made him act foolishly and rashly. And maybe if she didn't do that there would've been a whole different outcome to the story, the main thing was that Bianca was safe and that was the most important thing.

"Thank you," Bianka's mum said and Rachel nodded, too choked up to speak, her mouth had dried up, but even her mind couldn't form the words to say as she darted a look in her peripheral vision to see the caravan burning in the near distance. He had died, and she didn't know why she was taking her death so badly, maybe it was because in some way Bianka had reminded herself of her as a child, and it was almost as if she had broken up her own family in the past. She returned to Waterloo Road before wiping a few stray tears that were hidden from view, she had always prided herself on being the one who bought broken families together but now she was the one who broke up the family, the tables had turned and she didn't like it.

She returned to Waterloo Road the place where she wasn't afraid to call home, and went to her office before giving Kim and Chris a withering smile before darting into her office, finally letting her emotions show, she wasn't disturbed for a good ten minutes, or maybe it was longer she didn't know, she guessed that Kim had warned Chris not to come in, she was an emotional wreck, and just then she wasn't ready to face the world.

She felt empty inside, it seemed like life itself had become meaningless, she wanted to make a difference to people's life but not this kind of difference, she was unable to save Lindsay and Emily from that terrible fate of having a broken family and now Bianka would have to go through the rest of her life without a father. How could she look her pupil in the eye knowing that she was partly to blame of the death of her father?

Ten minutes later and Chris and Kim had almost given up waiting neither of them had seen Rachel like this, Rachel had never let her guard down before not even around Max, they knocked on the door rapidly both knowing that they wouldn't rest until their knowledge was quenched the door swung open and a tear stained Rachel opened the door.

"He's dead," she whispered silently, "I killed him," she said slowly before walking out the door and the sad thing was that neither Chris nor Kim knew whether she would return. Chris shot a questioning look at Kim, she did after all know Rachel better than him but her expression remained clueless, exactly what had happened back there? Moments later Chris or rather Rachel received a call from Bianka's mum saying thank you for saving her daughter's life, there was no mention of Rachel killing anyone not that he could even begin to picture Rachel killing anyone. He picked the phone before she had a chance to hang up hoping he could peace together the pieces of the mystery together whilst Kim searched for Rachel, and tried to talk some sense into her.

"Hello, this is Chris Mead deputy head at Waterloo Road," he began introducing himself; that was the easy part, "I was wondering if you could tell us what happened earlier?" He said remaining perfectly oblivious to the situation.

"He was going to kill Bianka," the women sobbed, "the caravan exploded, and she saved my daughter's life," he said and Chris nodded wisely recording the conversation, "her father died, but he's a monster, A MONSTER," the woman screeched at the other end of the line, "he tried to kill her," she wept and Chris choose that particular moment to hang up, he had learnt all he needed to know.

Kim peeked her head through the door, "she disappeared, I'm sorry Chris," she said quickly before noticing Chris was crying, "are you okay?" She asked, before enveloping all the information Chris had received through Chris' muffled, incoherent tone.

"No, wonder," Kim said swiftly before making her way to the staffroom, and putting the rest of the staff on red alert, "have any of you seen Rachel?" She asked, the staff shook their heads and Grantly gave a small incoherent grumble.

"If you have something to say Grantly please share it with us," Kim said, and the rest of the staffroom gives a sharp intake of breath.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Steph asked teasingly and without a moment's thought Kim told Steph anything after all Steph, Tom and Grantly had all been working at Waterloo Road since Rachel started, maybe they could shed some more information about Rachel, which seemed unlikely since Steph couldn't keep her mouth shut about anything, and she had probably claimed the prize 'world's biggest gossiper' more than once. "Rachel doesn't do so well in fires," she said after a moment's hesitation and Tom nods wisely.

"She just has this save the world exterior, which results in her being in life or death situations," Tom says thoughtfully, "would this be the third or fourth time?" He asks without a hit of malice in his tone.

"Third," Steph assures him and the two remain completely oblivious to the stares they are getting from the rest of the staffroom, "the fire with Stuart, Earl Kelly and the gun," she says and she and Tom give a demonstration of synchronised shivering.

"Kelly? Any relation to Sam and Denzil?" Someone chips in and Steph nods in reply before continuing her story. "And today, that makes three times." She said but already Chris has darted out of the room; out of sight, just like Rachel had disappeared earlier, the fate of the school now rested on Kim's shoulders whilst Chris went on a wild goose chase to find Rachel, and when he found her he wasn't going to take no for an answer. She had faced many obstacles, but maybe this was one obstacle to many for Rachel Mason, Chris could only hope otherwise.

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**A/N New story! Please review it makes my day!**

**Edit;; Just realised that Bianca's name is spelt Bianka and not Bianca. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two.**

The door was wide open when he arrived at Rachel's house, and Chris immediately began to panic, she was sitting in the kitchen table completely oblivious to everything, and he didn't even begin to doubt that she hadn't even felt the breeze, she looked lost, an expression he had never seen on her face before, even when Max was around she seemed so sure of herself. "Chris," she says acknowledging his presence but she lingers on the word almost as if she was expecting someone else. Chris swung the door shut behind him.

"Rachel are you okay?" He said, but the answer was obvious.

"I can't do it anymore," she whispered silently, "the nightmares have come back," she says and this alone was news to Chris, she'd never mentioned having nightmares before, "and… and…" she whispered but she never finished, it was only then that Chris noticed the black circles under Rachel's eyes, she hadn't been sleeping that much was obvious, but why didn't she tell anyone?

"Look Rachel," Chris said trying to be professional, she ought to be in school, working he thought and it was only then that he realised what work was for her, to her Waterloo Road wasn't just a job, it was a form of escapism, a way of dealing with everything that was happening in her life. "You should go to bed," he said but she shook her head at the mere prospect.

"Stay with me," she whispered pleadingly, she looked scared vulnerable and Chris couldn't bear it, the two went upstairs after Chris had spent ages convincing her that he wouldn't go anywhere, she slept or tried to sleep her hand entwined with his. His presence was comforting and for that single solitary moment Rachel Mason was not alone. Half an hour had passed and Rachel was sleeping peacefully but even as she slept there was a slight frown on her face, when she woke up he would try to convince her that she didn't kill Bianka's father, maybe she did need professional help, but she had kept the pretence of being okay for so long, he wondered if he or any of his colleagues knew his boss as well as they thought they did.

"Kim," he said phoning his colleague with his spare head, before leaving the room, knowing that if Rachel happened to overhear the conversation fireworks would go off between the three, thankfully Kim picked up on the second ring.

"Chris where are you?" Kim said urgently, "did you find Rachel?" She asked.

"Yes but," Chris began slowly, "I don't think she should go back to school today," he began awkwardly, "I can't discuss this over the phone," he said wearily and cryptically, he doubted that saying 'our boss is losing the plot' would go well over the phone, "I think I should stay here, can you handle the school for a while?" He asked sincerely hoping that Kim would say the magic word; Yes.

"What do you mean?" Kim said confused, "is Rachel not well?" She asked, as a mix of emotions conflicted in her mind, could she really handle looking after the school even if it was only for an hour? "Should I come round after school?" She said lowering her voice, Chris sounded deadly serious, something was wrong seriously wrong.

Suddenly noises came from the direction of the bedroom, Chris poked his head around the door to see Rachel thrashing about, "No…." she screamed, "no…." she screamed again, "Stuart, Eddie, Melissa, Ralph," She began listing a load of names Chris didn't recognise before the last name falls to the ground with a thud, "Max…" she said before falling silent and waking up from her erratic daze.

"Chris," Kim said upon hearing the noise "was that Rachel?" She said urgently, but she never received a reply as Chris dropped his phone in a sudden rush.

"Rachel," he said rushing to her side, "are you okay?" He said wishing he could shed more light on the subject; he had endured enough conversations with Steph to figure out who Eddie was, but who were Melissa, Stuart and Ralph? Why were they the centre of her nightmares? Rachel was silent, frozen, as white as a sheet, as still as a statue, for a moment or two she remained perfectly oblivious to Chris' presence. Chris decided to make tea whilst she was still in shock but even he couldn't make a head or tail out of what had just happened, was his strong, stable boss as just as vulnerable as the rest of them? "Are you alright?" He asked once more beckoning Rachel to take the seat adjacent to his; she nodded uncertainly at first but grew more certain after a few moments.

"Oh, I just had a bad nightmare that's all, nothing to worry about," she says but her voice is shaking, even as she says it both people present are certain it's a lie.

"Rachel, it's not just a nightmare, what did you mean the nightmares have come back?" Chris said sternly, "please, I just want to help you," he says pleadingly letting a stray tear trickle down his face.

"It's nothing really," Rachel said unconvincingly before looking at the clock, "shouldn't we be in school?" She asked and she sounded confused as if she had forgotten everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, Chris only wished that, this was the case. He hastened to correct her informing her of what happened with Bianka and her dad and she nodded knowingly in return. "When did the nightmares return?" Chris asked once more adopting a pleading tone; Rachel looks reluctant to answer at first but soon after her lips begin to form a reply.

"Max," she began, "when he came round to my house," she whispered, biting her lip, Chris gestured for her to continue about the nightmares. "The first nightmare I had was the day after the fire, Stuart Hoardley told everyone my identity and the school went up in flames and I was in the building doing one last look around the school." She says taking a deep breath, before breaking into tears, "stay with me?" she whispered.

"Always," Chris finished, he didn't push any further for any information, he hugged her tightly before going, and constantly reassuring her that he was only getting clothes. He knew she didn't mean it in a 'I fancy you,' way, she needed a friend, a shoulder to lean on, and quite thankfully he was in the right time and place for him to offer his services. It was only then when he looked at the house from the outside that he realised how strange it was for a woman to live with her nephew on her own in a huge house that could fill a whole family. Had she once dreamt of finding love and having a family?

**A/N please review it makes my day!**


	3. Chapter 3

He raced home as fast as he could without breaking the speed limit, today had only highlighted the seriousness of the situation, Rachel had been keeping a secret that could jeopardize everything, she was keeping her emotions in a bottle and locking it up. It was almost as if she had forgotten how to trust people, or if she did she was out of practice. "Hey Kim," he said phoning his colleague and keeping is promise of keeping her up to date on everything, the two were friends after all, but her relationship with Max had put a strain on their friendship one that wasn't so easily mended.

Kim was surprised to hear her colleague's voice especially so soon after the urgent, cryptic message he left on her phone just over an hour ago. "Chris what's the matter?" She said sounding oddly panicked, "should I come over?" She asked.

"Yeah," Chris said slowly, "that would be best," he said ramming some random clothes into a bag and zipping them up in the suitcase, it looked unlikely Rachel would ever tell Kim, mainly because she liked to keep herself to herself and not make a fuss, even when things went from bad to worse when Max kept challenging her and questioning her professionalism. And above all Kim needed to know firstly as a friend but secondly as a colleague, but what if Rachel got mad? He doubted she would, but what if she felt embarrassed, or even worse ashamed? Would his little plan just make matters a million times worse?

Kim arrived five minutes later with no further questions asked, Chris wrung his hands in discomfort, "Kim I think you need to come with me," his voice sounding strained as he spoke the words, his usual jokey tone vacant from his expression.

"Chris, Chris?" Kim repeated her voice on high alert, "what's the matter?" She asked it was then that Chris began to wonder whether he was really going to go through with this situation, was this a smart move? Or was it a rash move that could affect everyone? Every rash move had consequences, but what if the consequences were unfixable? Would what he was planning permanently damage his friendship with Rachel? Would he just make matters worse instead of making them better? Kim could see that Chris was struggling to find the words; his mouth would form a perfect 'o' shape but no words would come out. "Chris…" She asked once more carefully as if she was dreading in a field full of bombs that could explode at any moment.

"Rachel's been having nightmares," he said blurting out the truth and covering his mouth with hands before five seconds had passed, he bowed his head slightly already regretting his rash move. In response Kim just looked slightly puzzled and bewildered waiting for Chris to explain further. "I don't know Kim, she just looked really scared and vulnerable, and she was thrashing about and yelling things, about Stuart, Ralph, Eddie, Melissa and Max. And I think today's events just triggered the nightmares," he said quickly trying to explain it as quickly as possible, it was like ripping of a plaster the quicker you did it the less it hurts.

"What?" Kim said staring at her colleague in disbelief; surely he was making it all up? But Chris didn't know about Ralph, Eddie and Melissa did he? How would he find out about those three unless he was telling the truth? Or maybe this was some big practical joke he had arranged with Rachel, but she didn't seem the type to arrange a practical joke, well that and the added fact that he sounded so serious on the phone not to mention worried. "Are you being serious?" She asked quietly.

"Yes, but if you don't believe me then…" Chris said before trailing off as he narrowed his eyes at his colleague.

"What do you mean nightmares?" Kim said trying to wheedle more information out of her colleague he was being far too vague, but his tone alone was enough to worry her, he looked and sounded like he was in a right state, and she had never seen this side of him before…

"Uh, I don't know…" Chris said, this entire situation was hopeless, "I guess she's just reliving bad memories…" he said already regretting his decision of telling his colleague, "I'm probably overreacting, but I think Rachel should take a few days off, and the LEA can find an acting head," he said and he hadn't even finished before realising his plan wouldn't work, how would he be able to convince Rachel to take a few days off from work, she had convinced herself that the school wouldn't run unless she was in charge.

"Good luck with that, I've never known Rachel to take a day of work," Kim said cynically, "but if there's anything I can do to help let me know okay?" She offers before leaving the house, there didn't seem much she could do and if she was totally honest she was totally at loggerheads at what her next move would be. But she had every confidence that Rachel was in the safe hands at Chris. "Bye," she says before raising her eyebrows at Chris' half packed suitcase, "where are you going?" She asked simply indicating to his suitcase, it was Chris' turn to blush.

"Well, um, Rachel asked me, um, too uh," he began stammering and tripping over every word that came out of his mouth, why was he having so much trouble spitting out what he was going to say? At the rate he was going, his tone alone would be enough to convince Kim he was running or way or something. "Stay with her, uh, because uh, of the nightmares," he said awkwardly his voice barely audible. Kim sighed, was it that much of a big deal to him? Or did he like Rachel as more than just a friend after all this time? She was just in time to stop herself from saying 'be careful,' before remembering that she wasn't his mother, and she wouldn't be a mother for at least another few months, and she wasn't entirely sure if she was anticipating the experience or dreading it.

"Well bye," Kim says quickly, and he returns to Rachel, whose cheeks are slightly tinted pink as opposed to the deathly pale colour they mirrored earlier. The doorbell rang breaking the silence, and Chris went to answer, it was Philip, he was slightly surprised he didn't have a key, yet his mind had barely had time to register the fact that the official school day had finished, it was a Friday. Thank goodness, maybe Rachel could use those two days to use some well-earned rest.

"Hi Sir," Philip began slightly confused, "what are you doing here?" He said but secretly he was wondering if the gap between his school life and social life had been completely demolished, but even he was curious, he hadn't seen his Aunt since this morning, she had disappeared off the face of the Earth and why on Earth was his science teacher in his house?

"Your Aunt hasn't been feeling too good," Chris said simply, Philip then gestured towards the suitcase full of clothes, "she asked if I could stay the night," he said before adding, "I hope that's okay," before finishing making Philip even more curious.

"Oh right, well I was just going to tell her that I'm going to Bolton's tonight," Philip said dismissively trying to act like he couldn't care less but Chris could detect the slight tremor in his tone, the part of his tone that shook with uncertainty. Chris wasn't sure what he should do in this situation, should he try to stop Philip from going? What would Rachel do? Would she give him a curfew? Would she say _'be careful?' _Would she advise him not to get drunk or smoke? Whatever he was going to say Philip wouldn't listen, but Rachel didn't need another thing to worry about, and for Rachel her worry mood seemed permanently activated.

"Well be careful," Chris said after a long moment's pause, he then caught a glimpse of his tone, "but have fun," he said with a note of finality in his tone, Philip wasn't his responsibility after all, "but come back at a reasonable hour, neither of us want your Aunt to be worrying about you," he said knowing that Rachel wouldn't be able to rest unless she knew Philip was safe, but then again under normal circumstances she would be alone, and since she wasn't alone today maybe things would be very different indeed.

** A/N Hope you like it reviews make my day :P**


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